Without Me, She Has Gone…

I stood behind her. She was not too far from me. She was there. I could see her. She turned and looked at me as if she wished to send me a signal. I wondered. Then she started to walk ahead. Immediately I felt my danger and suddenly I reached my right hand to her aiming to catch her right shoulder begging her to stop. I could not reach her. She kept walking ahead of me. My hearts had started to race.

Scared, I started to run to catch up with her speedy steps. I tried and tried and tried. I needed to stop in between to catch my breath before I could continue. She was way ahead. Her speed was stable and she did not even turn back to see me who was desperately struggling to stop her from moving without me. She did not turn back even once.

After trying many times, my feet stopped listening to me. They did not really care how much on earth I wanted them to carry my upper body to move forward. They were shaking. They sent a strong deadly messages to me that it was enough to try. I should stop chasing her.

She had already disappeared. I could see her no more. She had completely gone. Finally, she’s gone. For good.

Since I could not see her anymore, I looked back behind my back. Everything I could see now was all the problem for me and my country people to carry on our burden shoulders. The village is empty. Drunk young men are singing drunkenly all days and nights. Women apply whitening creams on their faces and every edge of their skins. Some others have their noses, lips, nipples, breasts, eyes, eyebrows, chins, cheeks a redo under the unhygienic knife to go inside their skins with high price. Young boys and girls are drinking and injecting heroin into their veins in the name of the modern-day friendship. Health centres are also empty. There are nurses but they are actively urged their patients to go to their home clinics instead with the hope of robbing their innocent patients’ hard-earned money, the money from borrowing greedy microfinance institutions. Old women burn countless plastic bags they greedily ask from the markets. Young children speak to each other in English…

I thought to myself. I can’t blame her. She has gone for good. She has been waiting for us for decades but still, we didn’t even want to move a single step and sometimes we even move backwards. It looks as if we are tasting the same mistake we used to wrongly committed a hundred years ago. I wish her well.

Hopelessly I walk back to my underdeveloped villages and slowly join the drunken men and sing karaoke whole days.

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